Marge Simpson's dessert dogs

Separate three egg whites into the bowl of a stand mixer, picking out any shells.

Add an eighth of a teaspoon of cream of tartar and whip with a wire whisk on medium high for one to two minutes to a foamy frenzy.

Add three drops each of yellow and red food coloring and two drops of blue for a muddy brown.

Add about a third of a cup of sugar in a gradual stream with the mixer on medium, then crank to medium high and beat three to five minutes to stiff, smooth, glossy peaks.

Bend cannoli molds open so they stand, cover them in aluminum foil and spread the meringue over them in the shape of an inverted hot dog bun.

Bake at 225 degrees Fahrenheit for two and a half hours, then leave the oven door shut until the oven has cooled completely.

Cream one stick of butter with a quarter cup of white sugar and three quarters of a cup of brown sugar in a stand mixer.

Mix in one large egg, then the flour, baking soda and kosher salt, then about six ounces of roughly chopped bittersweet chocolate.

Mold the dough into hot dog shapes, cover with plastic wrap and freeze about an hour to solidify.

Pit the cherries with a chopstick, extract the juice in a blender, then strain it into a small saucepan through a fine mesh strainer or cheesecloth, pressing the pulp.

Cook the juice down with a couple of optional tablespoons of sugar.

Thicken with a slurry of about a tablespoon of cornstarch and a few tablespoons of cherry juice, simmering two to three minutes until thick.

For the caramel mustard, combine a third of a cup of water and a cup of sugar in a medium saucepan and bring to a simmer without stirring, about 10 minutes, until amber.

Kill the heat and whisk in three quarters of a cup of heavy cream constantly until smooth; after one to two minutes add two tablespoons of butter and whisk to combine.

Season the caramel liberally with kosher salt.

Whisk the batter: a cup of all purpose flour, half a teaspoon each of baking soda and kosher salt and about a quarter cup of sugar.

Stir in one and a quarter cups of milk to a really thin pancake batter, adjusting with more milk or flour.

Retrieve the cookie dough logs from the freezer and coat them in the batter, which protects the chocolate from the oil.

Fry in one quart of vegetable oil heated to 375 degrees Fahrenheit for two to four minutes until golden brown and crisp.

Place each fried cookie dough dog in a meringue bun and drizzle with the cherry ketchup and caramel mustard.