Quadruple deluxe Krabby Supreme, double batter-fried, on a stick

Combine equal parts mayo and ketchup with the finely chopped pickle, paprika, garlic powder, minced onion and yellow mustard; mix with a spoon, taste, cover and refrigerate.

Roll the ground beef into two ounce meatballs and season with kosher salt and freshly ground pepper.

Lube a cast iron skillet with vegetable oil and heat over medium-high until wisps of smoke arise.

Add the meatballs and squash them flat with a stiff cold metal spatula, using a rolling pin for leverage.

Cook until deeply brown on one side, flip and cook no more than 30 more seconds, then top with cheese, stack and remove from the heat.

Build with lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion and a generous smear of the special sauce, stacking two more patties on a secondary bun and topping the top bun with sauce.

For the batter, whisk the cornstarch, flour, baking powder, kosher salt, lager and vodka gently in a large bowl so as not to build up too much gluten; it should have the consistency of paint.

Add bacon, skewer the whole burger through with several skewers and snip off the long ends.

Heat two quarts of peanut oil to 375 degrees Fahrenheit.

Batter the burger and deep-fry four to six minutes until evenly golden brown and crisp; drain on a wire rack set in a rimmed baking sheet and cool a little before removing the skewers.

Batter it a second time, carefully, since only a thin layer of tempura is holding it together, and lower it into the oil.

Fry again four to six minutes until evenly golden brown and crisp, then drain and cool on the rack again.

Serve on a stick, with mayonnaise.