Krabby Patty

Season a thawed store-bought frozen beef patty with salt, pepper and MSG and cook it best boil, high heat, cast iron.

Assemble in SpongeBob's exact order: lettuce on top of the burger, a single slice of yellow American, a single slice of Vidalia onion, tomato, ketchup, mustard, pickles, top bun.

For the umami version, grind the bonito flake, dried shiitake, dried kombu and a single anchovy into a fine dust in a spice grinder.

Cut equal parts beef short rib and chuck steak into one-inch cubes and freeze them for about 15 minutes along with the food processor blade.

Pulse in the food processor until you have a pebbly ground beef, without over-processing.

Oven-dry the tomatoes on a non-stick surface with a drizzle of olive oil and a sprinkle of kosher salt in a 200 degree Fahrenheit oven for about an hour and a half, until wrinkly.

Puree the sun-dried tomatoes, loosening with olive oil if needed, and combine with ketchup.

Optionally combine the mustard with yellow miso.

Make Parmesan cheese crisps by baking grated Parmesan at 350 for about 15 minutes.

Season and sear the patties as usual, and add the spice powder only off the heat.

Build properly: patty, caramelized onions, an oven-dried tomato, miso mustard, sun-dried tomato ketchup, a Parmesan crisp and a handful of iceberg lettuce on top.