The every burger burger

Whisk the all purpose flour, potato flour, sugar, yeast and kosher salt in the bowl of a stand mixer.

Lightly beat four room temperature eggs and add them with a quarter cup of water; fit the dough hook and mix to a thick, relatively wet dough, adding the second quarter cup if it fully clears the sides of the bowl.

Add the room temperature butter one little piece at a time, waiting for each to incorporate, five to eight minutes in total, which also builds the gluten.

Check the windowpane, roll into a tight ball, put it in a buttered bowl under a moist towel and rest one to two hours until roughly doubled.

Knock out the air. Either divide, shape, proof and bake now, or refrigerate in a well lubricated airtight container for 48 hours and then bring fully back to room temperature over about two hours.

Divide into eight pieces of equal weight on a scale, roll, stretch and press flat into little buns.

Proof under greasy plastic wrap 45 minutes to an hour and a half, until puffed but not quite doubled; a forceful poke should spring back slowly and leave a slight divot.

Brush thoroughly with beaten egg and sprinkle generously with white and black sesame seeds.

Bake at 350F for 15 to 20 minutes until deeply golden brown, then cool completely, at least two hours, before slicing.

Potato sticks: julienne a peeled Russet on the eighth inch plate of a mandolin and rinse until the water runs clear.

Drop the sticks into water heated to 175F, crank the heat back to 170F, kill it, cover and rest 15 minutes.

Drain on paper towels and pat very dry, then fry at 325F about 90 seconds, just until they start to colour.

Drain, spread out and refrigerate at least an hour until completely cold, then fry again at 400F for a scant 30 seconds until golden brown, drain and salt while hot.

Fritas sauce: whisk the ketchup, tomato paste, hot sauce, sugar, garlic powder, onion powder, apple cider vinegar and water together and pour into a squeeze bottle.

Thinly slice and stamp out rings of fresh pineapple and saute in butter until both the pineapple and the butter are lightly browned, draining on paper towels.

Caramelised onions: cook a whole diced onion in a couple of tablespoons of oil over medium until it starts to colour, deglaze with about a tablespoon of water and repeat until the onions are rich and golden brown.

Cut equal parts brisket, dry aged ribeye and chuck into one inch cubes and freeze about 20 minutes until firm at the edges, then pass through a meat grinder that has spent an hour in the fridge.

Measure four ounce balls for the smash burgers. For the Cuban frita, mash eight ounces of meat with the grated onion, grated garlic, cumin and sweet paprika.

Juicy Lucy: press two four ounce balls flat between sheets of plastic wrap with a plate, set a thick wheel of gouda between them and pinch and smear the edges shut twice so it cannot leak.

Heat a hunk of cast iron, lube with vegetable oil and toast the top, bottom and middle buns.

Cook the Juicy Lucy pressed to the griddle with a little kosher salt until a significant crust forms and grey creeps up the sides, flip, then immediately punch a vent hole in the top with a skewer.

Season again with salt and pepper, top with Munster and a caramelised pineapple ring, squirt water onto the griddle around it and cover to melt the cheese.

Smashers: lightly salt and flatten two patties, one plain and one Cuban frita mix.

Squirt the plain smasher with mustard before flipping, then top with American cheese and the caramelised onions for animal style; douse the Cuban frita generously with the fritas sauce after flipping, so it mostly boils off.

Build: spread half teriyaki, half mayonnaise on the bottom bun, add the Hawaiian Juicy Lucy, bacon, the toasted middle bun, the Cuban frita on a squirt of ketchup topped with potato sticks, then the animal style smasher.

Hit the top bun with special sauce, add a seasoned sunny side up egg cut to the burger shape, a single leaf of butter lettuce and pickles, and cap it.